Finding a new therapist is like dating, my psychiatrist said, and it put things into perspective for me in a digestible format.
It validated the emotions that go into every maybe and helped me work on having the attitude that calling a therapist or going to a consultation is just getting a feel for compatibility.
But that's not to say this search is easy, or anything but discouraging in the least.
Over the past while, every therapist I called either turned me down or turned me off.
There was the therapist with whom I exchanged twenty or so emails before our consultation, among them those about her rescheduling and why she was doing it. At the consultation some of the therapist's issues were apparent when our seat placement was far, very far apart, so much that I felt I had to crane my neck to see and hear her (and I'm the girl who needs her space) and other behaviors that were bordering on odd. And yet I didn't write her off until an email from her popped in as I was sitting into the car post session, in which she was reiterating how she can help me.
No. Just no.
There was a string of therapists who didn't have availability — not now, not ever, no, sorry, I don't keep a waiting list, don't wait for me; find a different therapist.
There was the therapist who said she will have availability in a few weeks' time, but then ghosted me when I followed up. Ok... Another one biting the dust.
There was the psychologist who referred to herself as Dr. [Surname] and came across forceful when she completely dismissed a concern I voiced about travel time, which made me think: Do I really want to work with someone who completely did not hear me in the very first phone call?
Am I super sensitive? Maybe.
But I need someone who can work with that.
There was the therapist who texted me to call at a specific time and then gave me two minutes to talk. No, thank you... My time is valuable too!
And then, most recently, I reached a therapist whose text response (I, on principle do not leave voicemails; call me a coward if you'd like) was not too wordy and yet it didn't seem like she pays per word she shares (as was the case with my former therapist).
She was both business-like and friendly.
She has limited availability (did any therapist ever fess up to having more than that?).
And shocker of shocks, she seems to understand developmental trauma and what I'm looking to work on.
And so. We set up a consultation.
And that's quite terrifying.
But also, maybe a drop hopeful?