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  • Writer's pictureMelissa

When Enough Is Enough




Do you ever feel like some stuff should have already been resolved, or made peace with, and yet it keeps reemerging?


And you don’t want to deal with it, because it seems so futile to even try?


Because you already discussed it, once and twice and three times, and there is no solution. Because you hashed it out and spoke about it, and yet, here you still are in the same painful place.


And yet you don’t know how to just make peace with it and so you’d rather bury the entire topic or walk away from it?


Let me get honest here and stop projecting it all onto “you” — and admit to what’s happening with me.


I’ve been around the block about my need for support in therapy too many times.

The work is demeaning. It feels like groveling. I hate it.

It is the diametric opposite of everything I present. It is tearing down the persona I had cultivated all my life, the one who is okay and doesn’t need anything and never asks people to extend themselves for her.

And despite deluding myself ito thinking I’d conquered it, every little while all the work I do stalls. I clam up. I start to bottle everything up, because I don't feel supported enough. Because I need more. And it makes me shut down. It makes me not take advantage of the little I have.


And then I’m faced with the fact that I have to plug through this topic. Again.


But expressing needs that will never be met is so shameful and ego-destroying. It rips at my insides to need someone who does not need me and whose boundaries make me feel like I’m just a little slot in her week and she really doesn’t care about anything other than the work we do in session.


And I don’t want to talk about it.


I want to throw a tantrum and say, I do not want to talk about it because you cannot, and will not, help me with this pain.


I want to, once and for all, slam the door on my therapist and never open it again.


I don’t feel like being vulnerable, to show her pain that she doesn’t seem to be impacted by.


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6 Comments


Leah Schiffer
Leah Schiffer
Jun 28, 2022

It's strange, 'cos I'm so with you on the never needing help from anyone thing! Like I would never ask, and if someone actually offers help- I look at them in surprise or shock- cos the notion of asking doesn't even occur to me: my self-sufficiency is so ingrained🤐.

But I don't have this with my therapist at all. And I'm grateful for that. It's a hard one!💙

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Melissa
Melissa
Jun 28, 2022
Replying to

Blessings unto you!!😍


(Whac-a-mole is the perfect description)

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Emunah Harrel
Emunah Harrel
Jun 27, 2022

Yessss. There is a specific corner of hell that holds all those recurrent therapy topics. The ones that we can chew, regurgitate, and chew again - and yet they still show up on our plates looking whole and untouched, waiting to be digested all over again. 💔

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Melissa
Melissa
Jun 27, 2022
Replying to

OMG that is so well said. Exactly.

Thank you so much for the validation.💗

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